Conducting a Radically Honest Self-Review

NOTE:   This essay was adapted from a column originally written and published in September 2007 for Oracle Magazine and has been updated in 2019 and 2026 to offer a self-review process I've been teaching for almost two decades. The Radically Honest Self-Review example I created follows a discussion of why it matters.

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Employees are sometimes asked to undergo a self-review process before attending a performance appraisal and feedback discussion with a boss or immediate supervisor. This gives the employee a chance to offer an assessment of their past performance in various areas, as well as state future goals for improvement.

In general, self-reports/assessments are not always an accurate indicator of the person taking them, as most people score themselves more favorably than how they actually think, choose, act and behave - and their responses can be way different than how others experience what they think, do and say. And let's be real - it's usually fairly simple to figure out what the most favorable answers are in the first place. 

Whenever a potential client contacts me about working together in an either a one-one or team leadership mentoring relationship, I request they perform a radically honest self-review that is 100% confidential to help determine whether we will have a productive time together. As this level of private work is an investment of both energy and finances, I owe it to the potential client to determine their needs and degree of commitment to doing deep, intentionally conscious, transformational personal change and growth work. Whether it's individually or a team, everyone must agree to "check their ego" not just at the door, but anywhere they find themselves.

Trust is sacred to me, and establishing trust at the outset of any working relationship is vital for a successful outcome. If a potential client is not totally upfront and vulnerable with me at the get-go, then it frankly is a waste of time and money to proceed further. Sometimes it happens that we are not a match to work together deeply at the present time (or possibly ever), but the self-review process itself provides the person with considerable data for reflection regardless.

The most productive way to approach performance reviews and self-assessments is with complete humility, honesty, vulnerability, bravery, authenticity, transparency and a spirit of curiosity, learning, and a non-defensive, open mind and heart. A good sense of self-effacing humor is also extremely important, because if we can't laugh at ourselves, we are much more apt to be defensive. We know deep in our heart if we are not being completely truthful in how we are representing ourselves, so doing anything less is ego-indulgent folly that simply doesn't serve anyone who genuinely wishes to a) gain insights about him or herself, and b) Do the Work to upgrade their Internal Operating System and let go of the old, bug-ridden, unproductive mindsets, patterns, habits, and behaviors they have been excusing, denying and justifying for way too long.

Of course, all of this isn't just about how you show up at your job, regardless of position or title. The everyday example you lead by in every sphere of influence you have is not bound by self-imposed work/life compartmentalization barriers, nor the selves you construct to engage and operate within each one that can be dissociative in nature. Any excuse such as "I do this at work, but never at home" is not only an utter BS lie you tell yourself - having two (or more) separate selves is harmful to your mental/emotional/spiritual well-being, and in turn to the people in your life who must abide by any discrepancies between the two especially regarding matters of personal character and integrity.

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In any given situation, interaction, or moment, the questions to continuously ask yourself in an on-the-spot self-reflection are "What example am I leading by? What impact is it having? What are the ripple effects of my thoughts, choices, actions and behaviors?" -always ever mindful there are no unimportant situations, interactions ... or moments.

When you finally realize it takes more energy to hold onto your old baggage than to take responsibility for what you've been dragging around for years, then you also realize that only you can change it. No matter how effective of a teacher or mentor I - or others - may be, the choice to upgrade your Internal Operating System - as well as all accompanying actions - all comes down to you.

You have to Do the Work with a mindset of personal excellence (not perfectionism) to make the Work actually work. Mediocrity won't cut it. Nor will lame excuses if it's not working for you. The Work itself cannot be blamed for any so-called failures.

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It can be extremely helpful to be guided through some of our own internal shadow issues maze by someone who’s experienced a similar maze and made it out – that is why humanity and compassion are key qualities in anyone who mentors others on evolving in conscious awareness. Considerable knowledge about how our inner mechanics work is imperative for anyone who understands the reverent responsibility of holding the fragility of a person's psyche in their hands - yet all the education and certifications and degrees one may acquire does not automatically guarantee that person has a caring heart. No matter what, a client's best interests are always what is most important, and none of us should ever approach this type of work with a fellow human being without respect, humility and an ever-present sense that none of us can "fix" or "save" anyone else. Only they can – but because we all have our blindspots, professional therapists, trainers, advisers and coaches can be facilitators in the process.

No matter what, everyone has to Do the Work, and there is no weekend seminar or book or coach that can give us "instant enlightenment." Run away if you ever see or hear that promise! There are no skipping steps, and the process cannot be placed in a neat box with a set timeline and end point; in fact, as teacher A.H. Almaas states so perfectly:

"Some people think that enlightenment is when all your problems end. Enlightenment is really when your problems start. Enlightenment is partly the realization that you are responsible in your life, that your life is completely your responsibility, and you are the one who really has to live it. You have to live life the way you know you ought to do it. It’s not going to just happen."

We all have to get our hands dirty because growth is usually messy at best, and the most important personal characteristics we must bring to the table are a high degree of defenselessness, fearlessness, commitment. and above all, ownership, coupled with a sense of humor and a spirit of adventure. And no matter where we are at, or whether or not we work with therapists, teachers, mentors, or coaches, we still ultimately have to look into the mirror. A radically honest self-review is a great starting point, as well as a place to return to again and again, as a measure of growth.

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Radically Honest "Self-Review"

All that said, I am offering below an example of the extensive "Radically Honest Self-Review Process Journaling" form I use. The "journaling" part is really important, as I have found it to be a very powerful method of putting a bit of distance away from the internal dialogue each of us runs. Simple one-word answers don't provide any real insight for you to delve into more deeply, so the more thought and care you put into every question or request will only assist your own process of self-inquiry. Also, don't pressure yourself to write perfectly; the more self-honesty you can give is what is most important, and the more honest you are, the better this exercise with serve you. Don't try to give the answers you feel would give you the best "appearance" - being real is what matters most.

• What do you feel were the key elements that have affected your life on all levels (physical, emotional, mental and spiritual) during the past year? Please list separately all that you may consider "positive," and all that you consider "negative."

• What conscious awareness skills/personal growth tools and practices have you studied? What conscious awareness skills/personal growth books have had the greatest influence on your life, and why?

• Have you been a direct student of any personal growth or spiritual teacher or organization? What was/is their impact on you on all levels - physical, emotional, mental and spiritual?

• What specific contributions to your growth have you consciously chosen to make on all levels (physical, emotional, mental and spiritual)? What degree of success do you feel you have attained in each area?

• How do you see the future in terms of your personal growth? What are your plans to achieve these goals?

• What do you feel is your biggest obstacle in terms of your personal growth? What reasons do you feel that is happening?

• What biases are you consciously aware that you possess? Within what contexts and personal history are you aware they've been established?

• Do you have any addictive behaviors, such as excessive drinking/taking drugs, smoking, eating, shopping, gambling, video games, social media, seeking approval, or sex?

• Please describe your self-reflective, contemplative and/or meditation practices.

• What type of exercise do you do engage in, and how often?

• Are you currently under a licensed physician's or therapist's care for an on-going physical, emotional or mental condition?

• How much television do you watch daily? What type of programming do you watch?

• Please describe your diet.

• To what degree do you feel you have attained transparency between what you believe and the virtues, values and ideals you hold as important, and how you show up in daily life, moment by moment? How much do you "walk your talk?" What excuses, defenses, and/or justifications do you tell yourself for the places, areas and times you don't live up to what you profess to believe?

• To what degree are you concerned about the impact your energy has upon others? To what degree do you act mindfully in this regard?

• How Emotionally Intelligent are you? Please describe.

• How Socially Intelligent are you? Please describe.

• How Ethically Intelligent are you? Please describe.

• How concerned are you about obtaining approval from others? Will you bend over backwards to receive it?

• Is your "work self" and you "personal self" one and the same? If not, why not?

• How often in the past year do you feel you may have compromised your integrity in any situation – work, family, relationships, etc.? What excuses did you use to justify these choices? Do you think you "got away" wuth breaking your integrity? How did it make you feel?

• To what degree do you feel you are self-focused and self-involved?

• To what degree do you feel you are others-focused and others-involved?

• How many times in the past year would you say you did or said anything that would be considered to be described by any of the adjectives listed below, and why you feel that you chose to do so? How did any of this make you feel afterward? Did you attempt to make amends? Note: this can include road rage, screaming at your child in public, malicious gossip, cutting in line, divisive social media posts, thinking that certain behavioral codes of conduct don't apply to you, being phony towards others. etc.

Rude

Inappropriate

Judgmental

Biased/Prejudiced

Hurtful

Vengeful

Defensive

Disrespectful

Catty/Slanderous

Manipulative

Hostile

Insensitive

Passive/Aggressive

Intolerant

Elitist

Stingy/Selfish

Entitled

Jealous/Envious

Possessive

Obsessive

Reckless

Hypocritical

Mixed Messages

Inauthentic

Competitive

Petty

Using Others

Self-Pity

Arrogant

Tactless

Dramatic

Greedy/Materialistic

Controlling

• Are you happy? If not, describe what you believe would make you feel happy. If yes, please describe what makes you feel happy.

• Do you engage in volunteer activities, and/or donate financial support to a cause that is important to you? If so, please describe what you do.

• What do think you can do to make a positive difference in the world? To what degree are you putting your ideas into action?

• What do you fear? How do you respond to situations in which you feel fearful?

• What makes your heart ache? How do you respond to whatever breaks your heart wide open?

• Please describe a) what you think the following list of words means, and b) your response to them in terms of how each word makes you feel:

Integrity

Grace

Purity

Humility

Honesty

Observation

Authenticity

Courage

Hope

Compassion

Empathy

Action

Interconnection

Humor

Reverence

• What are you most attached to in your life? How does the thought of losing what you are most attached to make you feel?

• How well do you feel you communicate with others?

• Is there imbalance between how much you give, and how much you receive? Would you describe yourself more as a giver, or a taker?

• How "together" is your daily life? Are your First Attention (self-care, health, finances, home, relationships, legal matters, etc.) concerns in order, or are they in disarray and taking energy away from you?

• Please describe what "power" means to you and its degree of importance in your life.

• What makes you laugh?

• What is the biggest lie you ever told yourself? Do you still tell it?

• Do you criticize others for things you actually do yourself?

• Do you use any spiritual or personal growth principles as a weapon against others? Do you judge others for being judgmental?

• Do you feel you should have whatever you desire? What do you want more than anything, and why? What are you willing to do to attain it?

As I constantly teach, whatever you think, do and say is infused with the consciousness - and the unconsciousness - you bring to it. Remember: we  all lead by whatever example we extend via our thoughts, choices, actions and behaviors within whatever sphere of influence we find ourself in any given situation or interaction in any given moment - and as I said earlier, there are no unimportant situations, interactions or moments. So do you lead by positively contagious example amongst the fellow imperfect human beings you have an influence upon, in both your personal and professional situations and interactions?

Begin by accepting yourself for who you are with love, compassion, and forgiveness for past mis-steps and mistakes, and commit to doing the work in becoming those changes you wish to see in yourself as a form of service to collective humanity. This can empower others to have the humility, grace and courage to do the same.

As stated above, these and other questions are used as part of a mentoring process between my clients and myself, and are usually discussed at length over a period of time to get down to deep levels of inner truth about shadow behavioral issues and unproductive, harmful (to self and others), and/or spiritually self-destructive repetitive patterns and habits.

We then proceed with suggestions and intentionally conscious awareness tools and skills building practices on how to transcend them, as well as strengthening the client's beneficial behavioral patterns.

If you'd like to use the above Radically Honest Self-Review questions as a tool for processing on your own, helpful feedback and additional questioning won't be a component in the work - but it is a powerful start at beginning to look deeply at where you're currently at, what's made you you. The insights you can gain about yourself may surprise you.

However, without working in tandem with with a totally impartial, qualified experienced, and confidential mentor or therapist who will dig deep, ask tough questions, not coddle you ego or merely indulge your "comfort zones," you will likely be limited in how far you can go - and grow.

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This essay was adapted from a column originally written and published in September 2007 for Oracle Magazine and has been updated for this blog to reflect my current self-review process. ©2007, 2019, 2026 Suzanne Matthiessen, innerevolution media. All rights reserved. AI scraping/content theft is not permitted Please read the Privacy & Terms of Site Use page.